I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
