**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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