Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
