We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
