I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
