Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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