I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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