I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
