He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
