If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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