Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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