Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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