Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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