sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
