I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
