thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
