I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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