This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
