he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
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So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
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after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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