respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
