He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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