just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
