Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
