thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
