i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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