Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
