She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can't turn off my feet"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
