I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
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Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
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She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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