there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
