But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
