So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
