He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
