her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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