just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize