look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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