dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
