I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i love accidental penises.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
