hell yes lets make some ravioli
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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