Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
