GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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