JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
