I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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