I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
