I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
