You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
