If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
