the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize