dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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