i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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