Do you still have your period?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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