Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
