His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
