hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
