i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
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for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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