whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
