the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize