He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
