I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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