I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I smell like Dick and happiness
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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