dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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