dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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