I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
