Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
