I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sext me about skeletons
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
