we're chasing vodka with high fives
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
being pregnant is like rehab
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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