Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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