You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
