hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
