My sheets look like a crime scene.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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