we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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