I like to think it a success when the cops are called
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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