Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
