You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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