I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
