; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
