she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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