can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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