The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
