Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
