I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
