I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
