The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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