I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
