I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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