i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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