you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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