My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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