I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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