he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
