Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
